The BiGPharMafia Formulary

Prescription Drugs

Ask your doctor if our products are right for you. (They probably won't know either.)

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: All products on this page are entirely fictional and satirical. BiGPharMafia.©om is a comedy/CME parody site. Do not take any of this literally. Side effects may include critical thinking.

Certified by us. For us.

Rx Only — or just believe really hard

Placebotrex™

Treats: Whatever you think it treats

Dosage

1 tablet by mouth, as needed for belief

Side Effects

Side effects include: unearned confidence, reviewing it five stars, and recommending it to your aunt.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Effectiveness directly proportional to patient gullibility. Results not typical. Results not real.

"Clinically proven to be exactly as effective as you believe."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Placebotrex™.

Rx Only — do not operate heavy machinery, light machinery, or your phone

Snoozaflux™

Treats: Being awake

Dosage

1 capsule at bedtime. Or whenever. We're not your mom.

Side Effects

Side effects include: dreaming in spreadsheets, sleep-shopping, and a 3 a.m. life review.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Sleep is free. We cannot legally explain why you are paying for this.

"Because sleep is free, and we can't have that."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Snoozaflux™.

Rx Only — prior authorization required, then denied

Copaybrium™

Treats: Having money

Dosage

Take as directed by your insurance company's appeals department

Side Effects

Side effects include: sticker shock, insurance hold music stuck in your head, and a sudden interest in Canada.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: May cause permanent financial restructuring. Consult your accountant before your doctor.

"Lighten your wallet. Lighten your load."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Copaybrium™.

Rx Only — auto-refill enabled by default, good luck turning it off

Refillify™

Treats: Running out

Dosage

Perpetual. That's the whole point.

Side Effects

Side effects include: auto-renew, mailbox overflow, and a pharmacist who knows your birthday.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Discontinuation not recommended. Also not possible. We've checked.

"Why finish a prescription when you can never finish?"

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Refillify™.

Rx Only — extended release, extended billing

Subscriptrin XR™

Treats: One-time purchases

Dosage

Monthly. Automatically. Forever.

Side Effects

Side effects include: recurring charges, forgotten passwords, and emails titled 'We miss you.'

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Cancellation requires a phone call during business hours to a number that goes to voicemail.

"Extended release. Extended billing."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Subscriptrin XR™.

Rx Only — consult your side effects

Side-Effectra™

Treats: Side effects of other drugs

Dosage

2 capsules with a full glass of irony

Side Effects

Side effects include: new side effects requiring additional medication, an infinite loop of prescriptions, and a very happy pharmacist. See Side-Effectra Plus™.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: May cause side effects that require Side-Effectra, creating a clinically-documented feedback loop.

"Treat the side effects of the drug that treats your side effects."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Side-Effectra™.

Rx Only — generic available but we won't tell you

Brandnamex™

Treats: The generic version

Dosage

1 pill daily at 40x the cost of the identical pill next to it

Side Effects

Side effects include: paying 40 times more, feeling fancy, and a branded tote bag.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Chemically identical to the $4 generic. The box is shinier. That's it. That's the warning.

"Same molecule. Shinier box."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Brandnamex™.

Rx Only — as seen on Instagram

Influencerol™

Treats: Low follower count

Dosage

Post twice daily. Tag us. Use the discount code.

Side Effects

Side effects include: discount codes, unboxing videos, and calling your kitchen a 'journey.'

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Not evaluated by the FDA. Evaluated by 2.3 million followers, which is basically the same thing.

"Now prescribed by people with ring lights."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Influencerol™.

Rx Only — see enclosed 47-page insert

Fineprintazole™

Treats: Reading the fine print

Dosage

Take as directed (directions located on page 31 of the insert, subsection 4, paragraph 2, footnote c)

Side Effects

Side effects include: squinting, clauses, waived rights, and mild arbitration.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Contents of this warning are located in the fine print of this warning.

"So small, you'll never know."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Fineprintazole™.

Rx Only — inflammation sold separately

Inflammagone™

Treats: Inflammation (and your budget)

Dosage

1 tablet daily with a full glass of financial resignation

Side Effects

Side effects include: swelling of the invoice, flare-ups at checkout, and chronic receipt anxiety.

⚠ Black Box Warning

WARNING: Fights inflammation. Also your savings account. Do not take if you enjoy financial stability.

"Fights inflammation. Also your budget."

Ask your doctor if your wallet is healthy enough for Inflammagone™.

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All products are satirical. Please do not attempt to fill these prescriptions.