Become a Good Lil'
Guinea Pig.
Join thousands of other good lil' guinea pigs already enrolled in the BiGPharMafia Experimental Subject Program.™
If you can't tell this is satire by now, please consult your doctor. Giddy up, guinea pig!
What You Get
The Guinea Pig Perks Package™
We believe in full transparency. Here is exactly what you are signing up for.
First Access to New Drugs
Be the first to try our latest pharmaceutical breakthroughs — side effects may include enlightenment.
Exclusive Clinical Trial Updates
Receive detailed reports on studies you definitely participated in, whether you knew it or not.
Guinea Pig of the Month
Outstanding subjects earn a certificate suitable for framing. Your doctor will be so proud.
Free Lab Work
We're already running tests. Might as well get the results.
Peer Review
What Our Guinea Pigs Are Saying
"I signed up thinking it was a joke. Three weeks later I feel AMAZING. Coincidence? BiGPharMafia says no."
Gerald M., Chicago IL
"The newsletter alone cured my skepticism. My doctor doesn't know what happened either."
Debra K., Houston TX
"I was already a guinea pig. Now I'm an OFFICIAL guinea pig. There's a difference, apparently."
Todd R., Phoenix AZ
Official Enrollment
Complete the form below to receive your Guinea Pig ID number and begin your journey.
Important Disclosures & Fine Print
- †By enrolling you consent to receive emails, newsletters, and the occasional unsolicited medical opinion.
- †BiGPharMafia is not responsible for any spontaneous urge to trust pharmaceutical companies.
- †Guinea Pig status is non-transferable. You cannot give it to your spouse no matter how much they deserve it.
- †Results not typical. Results not real. Results not results.
- †Void where prohibited by common sense.